International Left-Handers Day

Lefties Unite! Or perhaps we could just get together for tea and biscuits sometime? Maybe a gathering, or a small party. (I didn't even know we south paws even had our own day.)

Now would be a good time to remind people how maligned we have been. Sinister is a Latin word that means "Left" (and the neuter plural of that adjective lends its name to my blog), from which we know what folk in the middle ages thought of sinistri. Lefties, being less common in the population, make a convenient scapegoat when a minority needs to be repressed. Everything from the left-to-right writing system to wine-bottle openers are designed to keep lefties down.

But there's hope. There are left-handed corkscrews, and the whole LP gas standard was designed with left-handed threads in mind. In Great Britian, India, Ireland, and Japan, one can shift with the left hand, putting right-handed race-car drivers at a disadvantage. Lefties are smarter (which is probably why a right-centric world fears us). We can count Jimi Hendrix, Leonardo da Vinci, and Ned Flanders as our own.

We may not rise in revolt against right-handed tyranny, but we will continue the silent revolution: confounding right-handed batters, subverting the "righty-tighty" mnemonic, promoting classic Japanese writing style for English (right-left, top to bottom, ahhhh), and pettily controlling the island nation of Cuba. ¡Viva!


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