Mixed up literature

A long, long time ago, I got a funny email, probably from Jenny. There have been no funny emails since. Actually, all email forwards since the beginning of the internet have not been funny--especially the ones that try to get you to take a lame quiz that tells which decade you grew up in (I was effectively comatose for most of the eighties. I think I scored better for the seventies.)

Anyway, back to the Funny. It's a list of mixed-up stories. Two well known books are combined to form a new book, complete with synopsis. I thought it would be fun to repost it here, and encourage you all to create you own and put it in the comments! Have a laugh, then make one.

"Green Eggs and Hamlet" :: Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" :: Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" :: An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.

"Where's Walden?" :: Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.

"Catch-22 in the Rye" :: Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane.

"2001: A Space Iliad" :: The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.

"The Maltese Faulkner" :: Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?)

"Jane Eyre Jordan" :: Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.

"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" :: An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.

"The Invisible Man of La Mancha" :: Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally stopped by a windmill.

"Singing in the Black Rain" :: A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the daylights out of Gene Kelly.

"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" :: Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" :: Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

"Paradise Lost in Space" :: Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and 2 annoying children.

"The Exorstentialist" :: Camus psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what it's doing.

Now that you've got the idea, go add your own in the comments!



At 2/20/08, 7:58 PM, Blogger Crinis said...

I, Robot Claudius :: After robot Caligula is deactivated for indulging in too many robot gladiator games, bumbling robot Claudius is crowned emperor of Rome by the under-appreciated Praetorian guard.

At 2/22/08, 1:29 PM, Blogger marshlady said...

Vanya and Superman

While taking a much needed break from running the estate, Vanya runs into The Devil. The men start to down vodka and soon begin a long and wordy discourse about the nature of man. To which Vanya has a slow realization that while his job may be depressing, at least it's not as slow and tedious as THIS conversation. So he walks off exclaiming " at least I can WORK in silence...jeez that guy is a blow hard"


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